TEN THINGS I WISH I KNEW BEFORE I GOT PREGNANT
1. Give yourself a worrying deadline
So many people told me not to worry and not to google everything that can go wrong. Um, ok. I don't know about you but telling me not to worry only helps me imagine the worst possible scenario! Being a generally anxious person by nature, being older than the average mother, and having had a prior miscarriage all ramped up my stress level to 11. It took me nearly half the pregnancy to figure it out but the only thing that helped was making a deal with myself- a worrying deadline. I gave myself permission to freak out as much as I wanted until 20 weeks and then I promised myself I was going to let it go. Believe it or not, this worked like a charm for me and I had a blissful half pregnancy after that.
2. You just might feel great.
Having had lots of friends go before me, I just expected the physical experience of pregnancy to be extremely uncomfortable at best. Particularly as time went on, all mothers to be seem to be dying to get the baby out of them. Well let me tell you that it doesn't have to be that way! I felt great almost the entire time. Yes I got bigger and more tired but it wasn't anything I should have worried about before. Obviously I had no control over this and just got really lucky but I didn't even realize this was an option before I got pregnant.
3. Telling people is WEIRD
Before I got pregnant I never imagined I'd have any trouble shouting the news to everyone but once it was actually happening, telling others what was happening inside my body felt odd somehow. Especially to co-workers and people I didn't know that well. There just isn't a natural way to casually slip "I'M MAKING A HUMAN RIGHT NOW" into the conversation.
4. Be a Social Butterfly
Make lots of plans! If you are fortunate to not feel like hot garbage, I strongly encourage you to go out and socialize as much as possible. Aside from this being the last period of time where your time is your own, everyone who loves you is really dying to see you! I went to bars and restaurants, had people over and showed up on various doorsteps. I've never been so popular! This would also be a great time to take an extra vacation or two or three. (If you are worried about something happening to you in a foreign land see point #1). Get manicures, have long uninterrupted conversations with your girls. You get the picture.
5. Take the compliment
People will look at your ballooning belly, the bags under your eyes and your old lady shoes and tell you how amazing you look. They are lying! Who cares? This is a form of affection for pregnant ladies so soak it all up. Instead of telling them why they are wrong, say thank you and walk away with your head held high. (Same applies to taking a seat when offered. Do it!)
6. Avoid Maternity Clothes
There are some exceptions to this rule but generally maternity clothes are awful. Awfully made, in terrible fabrics and hideous styles. Try to avoid them for as long as possible by buying larger sizes and non maternity clothes made out of stretchy materials.
7. Finish up
Complete whatever little or big projects that might be less convenient to do once baby arrives. For me that was the nursery. Everyone told me not to rush and that she won't be using it right away anyway - WRONG! So glad I completed it then because there is no way I would have had the motivation to do it now.
8. It's okay NOT TO SLEEP
Everyone will tell you to "enjoy your sleep while you can" as if you can store up sleep in a jar to use later. Doesn't work that way. Like many preggos, I had insomnia which I thought was some kind of weird preparation for parenting sleep deprivation but trust me it is nothing like i.wish.a.truck.would.hit.me.so.i.could.finally.get.some.rest tiredness you will feel later on. So sit on the couch and indulge in some middle of the night trash TV without guilt.
9. Listen to the stories
The moment someone finds out you are a pregnant, about 50% of the population feel compelled to tell you all about THEIR pregnancy and labor. It can sometimes you will feel like you can't hear about one more episiotomy or contraction but I urge you to listen to everyone's story. I learned lots of important tidbits this way - you might be surprised what you take away from these chats. And guess what? There is a good chance you will be on the other side of the conversation soon because there is something satisfying about telling other people all about it. Don't ask - I can't explain why.
10. Not everything is MAGICAL
Don't feel guilty if you aren't seeing the miracle in every kick and ultrasound. Other pregnant women told me how they broke down with tears of joy on a regular basis, felt a strong bond at the moment of conception, couldn't wait to expericence the miracle of labor. I didn't feel that way AT ALL. Most of the sensations of pregnancy felt extremely surreal and the very thought of labor made me wish someone could hit me over the head with a ballpeen hammer so I could be unconscious throughout. I worried there was something wrong with me. Well there may be plenty wrong with me but not feeling that connection didn't have one ounce of impact once she was in my arms.
Ok so there you have it - my pregnancy tips in a nutshell. Any ring a bell or hit a nerve for you? Have any of your own to share?
The best list I've ever read!!
ReplyDeleteI expected to be brutally sick and look like a blown up tick, but it was quite the opposite for me.. I looked and felt great...four months after...not so much ;/ blah!
ReplyDeleteIm right there with you (just shy of 3 months PP). I felt great during pregnancy but afterward is as totally different story. I've been told to give it 9 months before feeling too terrible about it but I hope it doesn't take that long.
DeleteI'm 18 weeks now - I also had a miscarriage and I guess I gave myself the unofficial worrying deadline of 12 weeks. I still worry from time to time, especially when I have a freaky dream, but for the most part I'm pretty calm.
ReplyDeleteThat is great. I know not everyone is as neurotic as me but I worry about everything anyway so taming the stress during pregnancy was a real challenge for me. I wish I had thought about the deadline thing earlier - maybe I would have squeezed out a few more good weeks.
DeleteI think this list is great. While never having been pregnant (and not planning to in the near future), I can relate to some of these things after seeing a majority of my friends get married and start procreating. It doesn't seem all that magical to me, and the whole ultrasound photo thing seems conceptually weird (why would I want to use a picture of my insides as a profile pic?). I think when I finally do start a family, I will be older and I will find my experience different from other moms who squeal over every rabbit-shaped object. So, thank you for making me feel like I won't be the only person who looks at it from another angle. And P.S., I think Agatha is an awesome name. It will be even neater when she's old enough to have toddler conversations (I'm picturing a dramatic storyteller, obviously).
ReplyDeletePretty much through my entire 20s, I wasn't so sure about having kids at all. Obviously that changed as I got into my 30s but I certainly think that not looking forward to being pregnant my whole life had an impact on how I felt about being pregnant. Don't get me wrong - I wanted to see the ultrasounds and I did find pregnancy a pretty cool thing once it was happening but I just didn't break down with tears of joy everyday.
Deletethe tiredness. You can't even start to describe the exhaustion you feel when there is a newborn in the house! Gosh, I remember it well.
ReplyDeleteGood list, and I agree.
My advice to all new mums, any age, anywhere in the world, is when you have your baby and EVERYONE has "advice" on how to do *anything* with your baby. Just smile, nod, say 'oh, thank you' and grit your teeth. Then toodle off and ignore it, do things your own way and go with your instincts. Every baby is different, evey mum is different, and only YOU and you alone can know what your baby needs or wants, and how to do it.
Don't worry, relax, let yourself find your own way. All it takes is time.
Ignoring people is especially good when the Competitive Mums start telling you that their baby slept all night right from the start, potty trained by six months, can sing in French, read the entire works of Dickens on their first birthday, learned to juggle by 16 months. No idea why some mums have that need, but they do. Best to smile and think to yourself 'ha really', because the chances are they've had many a sleepless night, but it makes them feel better to pretend otherwise!
Totally agree on the competitive moms. What is that about? I think in general women are very hard on each other so I guess it should come as no surprise.
DeleteI've actually really enjoyed hearing other peoples parenting advice. I feel very confident in my own opinions when I have one but parenting is all new territory so when a mom tells me about a tip/trick she used, I'm all ears. I think it helps that I don't have a lot of overbearing friends or family giving me the hard sell.
Thank you for this! I'm 18 weeks along with my first and your #1 point is something I'm going to try. I had a long road to becoming pregnant, including a loss, and all I can do is focus on the "what if's". I still get suprised that I have made it this far. It's hard to just let it go and have some faith that it will all work out, but I think I'll follow your lead and just chill out. Thanks again and congratulations on your beautiful girl.
ReplyDeleteCongrats! Once your baby is here, it will totally change your perspective on your loss and prior issues (at least it did for me) and you will wish you didn't spend so much time stressing. I know its so hard to actually take this kind of advice but I hope you can relax and enjoy it. It goes so fast!
DeleteI really like #2. Some woman say they are ready to have the baby and get things over with almost as soon as their pregnancy starts, but I felt great throughout both of my pregnancies. I had lots of energy, over all contentment and happiness. Pregnancy was a blast for me. I loved it.
ReplyDeletehello hello! i just wanted to tell you i think you're fabulous and you always make me laugh with your true-to-life stories. I have been following your blog inconsistently for about 4 years, one of two that I check every three weeks or so. anyway, I am beginning to blog for a retail store I opened a year ago (that mix might be worse than pregnancy: retail + beginner blogger) in upstate NY and your post "Things I Wish I'd Known Before" has inspired me to write my own blog based around opening an antique store. eeeerrrrhhhhhmmmmmmyyyyyyyggggggaaaaawwwwwwwddddddd do people have some stories. Anyway, I will keep you posted on how it goes, keep doing your thing mami!
ReplyDeletebest from upstate (waaaaaaaaay west, Corning NY).
Rochele
(www.facebook.com/mintvelvetvintage ( ---- my silly blog that will be amazing per your inspiration: www.theminthaus.blogspot.com ) cheers!
Good luck! Hope you get as much out of blogging as I have.
DeleteThank you much, Mrs. Limestone!
DeleteI do love your list and esepcially agree with number 10. Instead having this "connection" and magical experience, I constantly felt like I had an alien growning inside of me. I repeatedly reminded myself that women have been giving birth for a zillion years and that what I was feeling was "normal" but it didn't always make that odd feeling of having a foot sticking out of your belly any better.
ReplyDeleteSeriously! Such a great list! Especially #5. As someone who has not experienced pregnancy, I've always been very curious about all the people who don't want to hear they "look great". Good to hear that not everyone hates the comments :-)
ReplyDeleteI think this is a nice list, though I have a few thoughts on some of your points. On #1 - i also had a previous miscarriage so when i got pregnant this time (I'm 28 weeks!), i knew that once i heard the heartbeat i had less than a 2% chance of miscarrying. I knew i could hear the heartbeat as early as 6 weeks. I scheduled an ultrasound at 8 weeks and that was my worrying deadline. once i heard the heartbeat, i was done worrying and it was amazing and freeing to let go of that worry and just enjoy being pregnant. #2- I have felt great the entire time! No morning sickness, no exhaustion, no weird cravings or aversions. And here's something to add - don't feel guilty for feeling great. I did for a bit and then realized I am super lucky and I'm going to enjoy it! #5- Take the compliment, yes! The site of a woman growing a child inside her is a beautiful thing. Own it! #6 - Here I disagree. I put off buying maternity clothes and regret it. They are so insanely comfortable and much more flattering than trying to squeeze into your regulars or a larger size. So I will amend this with my own tip on maternity clothes: set aside a budget, a healthy one. Buy quality clothes in good fabrics and you can find some really great things out there. At the very least, but some nice maternity jeans and leggings so you can be comfortable! #9 - Listen to the stories, but realize that every single birth is different and their story is not your story. I hate people that want to share the horror stories of how long/terrible/agonizing their birth was. I tuned those out. :)
ReplyDeleteI wish I could have been as smart as you about #1. I knew all the stats but it just didn't help me relax much. I suppose I was a little more calm after the 12 week mark but just barely. I needed something else to help me off the ledge (although I know plenty of women who are totally zen from day 1)
DeleteThank you for this information. I was pretty certain I was never going to have a child of my own. Now the possibility is real. A lot of the things you a press above are things I think about. I will be an older mother (over 40) so that is something I stress about.
ReplyDeleteVery good advice, it's funny someone told me that the baby/toddler years would go by in a flash and to enjoy them as much as I could and to take a million photos and videos. Luckily I took the advice, despite being exhausted with the most non-sleeping baby in the world and not really believing there was light at the end of the tunnel! You know what, they were right. She's now 10 and pretty much my height and it's gone by in a heartbeat. Every moment is precious x
ReplyDeleteFirst I'll just point out that I'm a gay guy, but regarding #5: it's been my experience that a lot of people do, in fact, find pregnant women to have a certain glow, or appeal (and let's face it: engorged boobs), and that if you're getting compliments (even though you might not feel sexy), they aren't necessarily lying or just pandering to you to make you feel better. The comments are probably sincere.
ReplyDeleteThat said, it's nice to hear you had an overall positive experience. :)
Good point. Its just hard to believe when you feel so bloated or weird but I know when Ive given the compliment to others I definitely mean it so you are right - not everyone is lying.
DeleteLove this! Thank you! Almost 11 weeks along after 3 miscarriages and I LOVE the idea of a freak out deadline! I'm sure my husband will as well :)
ReplyDeleteI like it. I was not miserable either at least not until the very end when she had dropped and I felt like she was going to fall out. Also I totally agree with the sleeping thing. Everyone said "Sleep now" to me and you are right that you cannot store it up. I also could not sleep at all in the end of my pregnancy so people telling me that kind of made me panic. The advice I give people that you would probably disagree with is to not worry and stay off the internet. Haha. I freaked myself out reading BabyCenter so I always say to not read the horror stories that lace the internet these days. I thought that all of that stressing probably was doing more damage than my fear about using non-organic face creams. I like your idea about a worrying deadline. That's a good idea so you can still absorb the information but enjoy yourself too. I also agree about listening to the stories. I learned more from talking to other moms than I did from anything I read. On an unrelated subject, have you tried the miracle blanket for the sleeping issues? She might be a little big now but that worked for us.
ReplyDeleteI agree that we should avoid reading the internet for worse case scenarios but I just couldn't keep myself away from them. I spent far too many hours those first few months googling every kind of pregnancy related issue.
DeleteOh and I am totally in agreement on the maternity clothes. I luckily had a lot of knit dresses that fit me most of the way through my pregnancy and I loved it. I wore a jcrew knit dress to the hospital when I was in labor. It was awesome. I hate maternity clothes so wearing those was nice.
ReplyDeleteI am 6 weeks postpartum - so I can really appreciate this list!
ReplyDelete#2 - I felt great too the entire pregnancy - I mean, things get weird, and there were some days I was really tired, or sore. But all in all I actually didn't start feeling bad until the day before I went into labor - so I can't complain :)
#6 - Maternity clothes - I agree halfway - I love maternity leggings and will probably continue to wear and buy them, because the high waist helps me avoid the "muffin top" effect - Haha. Also I had a couple pairs of dark finish maternity skinny jeans that I wore to death. But on top I wore long non-maternity cardigans and wrap sweaters in the winter, and non-maternity maxi dresses and loose sundresses in the summer time.
I should add one more comment - I highly recommend catching up on the DVR before you have the baby - now there's not too much time to relax and watch tv for uninterrupted stretches of time!
ReplyDeleteReally? I feel like I watched so much TV during those first few weeks where we were in our cave. Maybe its only for those of us with winter babies but I had plenty of time to watch TV in the beginning.
DeleteI love this list! I just had baby number two 8 weeks ago and in both pregnancies I didn't feel a strong connection with the baby and I didn't love every punch, kick, ultrasound while they were on the inside. People have a hard time believing that I didn't actually cry at the moment of delivery with either of them (my husband did, though!). But, once I had them in my arms there was no doubt that I loved them to pieces. Now I try to help spread the word that you don't have to love pregnancy, labor and delivery to love your baby!
ReplyDeleteLove your list! I definitely can relate to several of these (I'm 35 weeks pregnant with # 3!). The ones I can't relate to remind me of what I think is important for all pregnant women to remember: there is no singular pregnant experience! Pregnancy, labor, and birth happen uniquely for each individual and having certain expectations can really make it difficult-even from pregnancy to pregnancy. Expecting my 3rd pregnancy to be like my 2nd has gotten me into big trouble. Haha!
ReplyDeleteThat is exactly why Im not sure if I could do it again. I had such a great experience this time, Im totally scared to tempt fate :)
DeleteI agree with you on nearly all of the points. Especially the fact that I felt great and wasn't in a rush to get the baby out.
ReplyDeleteI do disagree partially on the clothes thing. I think that the right fit on maternity clothes made all the difference for me. I went to the fancy maternity shop and invested over a $150 in designer maternity jeans. They fit perfectly, looked great and were worn nearly every day. The crap in big box stores does suck.
I agree on the recommendation of bigger clothes for another reason: post pregnancy body. I had maternity pants and pre-pregnancy pants. Unfortunately, my butt is not back to pre-pregnancy size so I had to go out and buy even more clothes. Ugh! I am too tired to shop with an infant.
I guess it depends on body type. Maternity clothing just never fit me right. Maybe because I have a long torso? I was super excited to buy maternity jeans because they seem so comfortable (why don't they sew spanx into jean waists I ask you?) but they would just slide right off no matter what I did until the very end.
DeleteGreat list! I agree with the clothes thing. I tell my friends that need a maternity bathing suit - don't do it! Buy two pieces - get a size or two up for the top (with underwire/support) and your regular size for the bikini bottom. The top should cover the bottom and you have bra support which most maternity suits do not have.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree on 3 and 8. Too true.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with #2. I felt fantastic through all 4 pregnancies!! I actually LOVE how Ilook and feel while pregnant. So much so that I can't wait to be pregnant again! I disagree with 6 though. I tried just buying bigger sizes, but all it did was make me look sloppy and fat - not pregnant. Nothing I love more than a cute, form fitting shirt that shows off my belly! :) I found some great maternity clothes that weren't any more expensive than my regular clothes, fortunately. Sadly, some of my favorite outfits are maternity and I have to wait until I'm pregnant to wear them again. And #9 is a good one. As long as you realize that most women like to tell you all the awful stuff first. Personally, I like to start out with 'it's not as bad as 98% of women are telling you it's going to be'. But for me, that was true. They scoff at first, but then when I tell them that I've done 4 deliveries with no drugs at all, they seem a little relieved or less scared of what's going to happen. And it's always nice to help someone be less scared of what is, without a doubt, one of the biggest miracles you'll ever be a part of. :)
ReplyDeleteThe outie belly button. I had my babies several years ago, before there was so much information readily available. I had no idea my belly button would pop out. Makes me laugh to think about how little I knew. ;)
ReplyDeleteOh yeah I forgot about "outie" belly button. I did not like that. In todays sausage clothes that would show up for sure.
DeleteI loved being pregnant. I was fortunate to have not had morning sickness or any of the other unpleasant things that sometimes go with being pregnant. I had a lot of energy and in fact was still mowing my lawn in my 9th month. The only thing I don't agree with you about is the maternity clothes comment. I abhor seeing pregnant woman wearing street clothes or uber stretchy clothing as I think they look like they have been stuffed into a sausage casing. Yes some maternity clothing is awful but some is nice as in any type clothing.
ReplyDeleteWe're planning on trying next year for our 1st, so this was SO helpful for me to read!
ReplyDeleteFabulous post!! I sent it to a friend who is pregnant with twins ;) I had two kids now age 16 and 13 then turned 40 and realized wait I want one more. Now my little man is 3 and I enjoy him so much because I told myself, hey your forty you don't have to be the perfect Mom like with the first two. I swear I am actually a better Mom LOL
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this... I'm 28 weeks with my first child (a girl!) now. However, my pregnancy is completely the opposite of yours! I actually when I saw the post title thought I'd read things like... that shooting pain down the side of your leg is the baby sitting on your sciatic nerve" or "after finally beating morning sickness at 18 weeks you'll be motion sick (subway and car!) for the rest of your pregnancy." These are just a few of the pregnancy points I've been surprised about. :) Either way, fun to read!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this. I am 29 and not yet a mother, I still have a few years until we plan to start trying, but I feel like I will have the same mentality as you. I am not one to feel all ooshie-gooshie towards growing a human, so it's refreshing to read about your experience. Don't get me wrong, I will be thrilled to become a mother when the time is right, but I just don't think I will be basking in every little fetus kick and fist bump to the stomach/ribs/etc. Thanks again for the tips... I'll definitely reference this post in the future when it's my turn to become a first time momma.
ReplyDeleteI love your list (& am so sorry about the m/c, you're a tough cookie), thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteEvery single point made me nod emphatically. I ADORED being pregnant (I adore my girl now of course but it was a long road to get here heh...I wanted to punch every mom who told me her kid slept thru the night straight outta the womb). I felt super social, happy, loving on life--they should bottle those feelings b/c I would totally buy some. Then the sleep-deprived zombie feelings set in during those post partum months lol. But now every day keeps getting better & better & we can't imagine our lives w/out her.
Time is flying by. There's that quote "The days are long but the years are short." So very true. Hope all is well in your neck of the woods!
(First time commenter here.) This is a great list! I had my first child 10 months ago, and I was surprised by a lot of these things too during pregnancy. I love the worry deadline idea- I may steal that for next time! And the telling people IS weird. All I could think about was the subtext of "I had unprotected sex recently!" and felt super-awkward!!!
ReplyDeleteMy theory on the usefulness of maternity clothing is that it depends not only on body type, but on how you actually "carry". My bump was all out front and I was having trouble wearing my regular clothes at 13 weeks or so. The maternity stuff that was designed to accommodate extra volume only at the stomach/chest was perfect for me. I still miss some of those clothes! And I totally agree with whoever suggested to set aside some money for your maternity clothes; I would also advise shopping for them whenever you find a sale, whether or not you're currently pregnant. Maternity clothes are pricey and they're never on sale when you need to buy them! But for my body and pregnancy, they were essential.
I enjoyed being pregnant more than I thought I would, although I was sick early on and was working too many hours right up until the end. The kindness of total strangers was such a sweet surprise, and it never failed to perk me up when I was feeling tired or my swollen ankles were bothering me. It sort of restored my faith in humanity a bit, as silly as it sounds.
Well, I've rambled on enough. Best of luck to you with your sweet Little! :)
Love all your "rules" and totally agree with them. I have a 5 month old baby boy and agree about the sleep thing, unfortunately I wasn't able to sleep because this pregnancy was very uncomfortable compared to my other very easy one so I took in alot of Netflix but did so feeling guilty because people told me I should be sleeping. I was also on bed rest and felt alot of guilt for laying in bed and no matter how many people told me to enjoy it I just couldn't, I'm not wired to lay in bed. Looking back of course I wish I would have enjoyed it!!! Personally I love when women share their birth stories and your so right its something you feel compelled to tell others afterwards. I've enjoyed hearing about your beautiful daughter and I hope you keep up on every now and then with how she is doing and what you are learning from all of this!!
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your blog for years, and was really excited to "watch" you go through these life changes. Especially when I found out I was pregnant, it has been fun to read about someone a little ahead. I am 26 weeks and I 100% agree with your list. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, I feel really good most of the time, I look good (my face is slimmer now). I agree with the maternity clothes for the most part too, I also have a long torso though so maybe that is the reason. I have been buying regular clothes in a larger size and it is much more flattering for me so far. Although I love the panels in maternity pants, they are magically comfortable, but the construction leaves a lot to be desired. Seriously, who thought the 1/2" in rise is a good idea?
ReplyDeleteAlthough I have felt great, and always wanted kids, I don't love being pregnant. It is a weird feeling and sharing my body with a little person, and while totally worth it, is inconvenient:) He has his own ideas already about things.
Thank you for this, especially number 10. I feel guilty that I don't "love being pregnant" as I've heard from so many others. It certainly is an astounding experience, but the physical and emotional changes are strange and sometimes uncomfortable. It's nice to be reminded that I'm not the only one who feels this way.
ReplyDeleteI definitely know what you mean about #3. Just saying "I'm pregnant" felt so weird and forced and also "hey I had sex!" (awkward with co-workers, you know?). An I love #9. So true--both that you should listen to the stories, and that you'll want to tell your own.
ReplyDeleteOh and #6 ... I tried really hard to only buy maternity clothes that looked like stuff I would be wearing if I weren't pregnant. It was harder than you think!
ReplyDeleteI have been a reader of your blog for some time now, and I finally have to comment on this post. I am 32 weeks pregnant, and your post hit the nail right on the head for me!! Especially the Insomnia part. I hate with a passion that phrase - "Get your sleep now, while you can!" I usually just laugh it off, but I feel like telling people, "I can't sleep so it doesn't matter anyway!"
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ReplyDeleteI will say this list pretty much echoes everything I think/feel about being pregnant right now. I'm not the overly emotional, super happy to tell everyone I'm preggo sorta person. The attention is something to get used to b/c everyone wants to know everything. One exception I would add would be #9 listen to the stories. I have a friend that is overly emotional and everything was a major deal, e.g. breast feeding. Maybe it's as horrible as she says, but she scared me into almost not wanting to do it at all. I took a class and a lot of her "advise" was her horrible myth filled idea of what breastfeeding is (she was quite unsuccessful and it was traumatic for her.) I'm a lot more confident now and will ask her to stop talking about it in the future.
ReplyDelete