Oh, the princess stuff. I try to walk a fine line but I have my own internal struggle on the issue. I'm oddly both delighted and repulsed. I want her to enjoy being a girl without being defined by it. Part of me thinks this is what 2 years old like, it's not going to have a lasting impact on her internal motivation and self image. The other part of me watches Cinderella and wonders why couldn't have she just walked out and saved herself - and why am I showing this to my impressionable child?
Clearly this is my problem, not hers. I think Cinderella Ate My Daughter will be my next read.
Moms of girls - what do you think?
I am so happy to have had these years with Molly. I enjoyed every moment of the "Disney pink and blue"..Molly could spot those colors across a crowded Target at 3 years old screaming "Mommy, go that way PLEASE..." Seeing her face when she met Tinkerbell after a 45 minute wait. Seeing her face when she got her Cinderella vanity that would light up and say "You are so pretty" in the mirror was worth everything. Yes, Cinderella is a real flake when it comes up feminism. But she had some beautiful gowns and crowns. My daughter never saw that a boy saved Cinderella or Snow White. Molly could care less about the "love story" part. She wanted to see Cinderella spin into the dress. She wanted to sing the songs. So my vote--- ENJOY..because it is a very short time and does not get repeated again.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Michele. Enjoy. Don't fret.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter Violet is 8, she still loves pink, Barbie, Disney Princesses, and all that stuff. fine by me. I don't force it on her, it's all her choice, which is as it should be.
She's her mother's daughter, she'll be all about the shoes and pink sparkly business in years to come, but will know her own mind and do what she wants.
One daughter, three granddaughters and now a great granddaughter.......celebrate the little girl dreams while she's small. Life will make her grow up all too soon. Agatha is just too cute!
ReplyDeleteYour daughter is beautiful! What's wrong with beautiful doctors, attorneys and Moms? I have 7 daughters. Some liked the girly outfits and some didn't, but I always bought them just encase. I want my girls to be educated, strong, moral adults and pretty! I expect them to make good grades and marry guys good enough for them, and not the other way around. I think my kids' best is my girls looking like girls and my boys looking like boys. My girls' teachers will tell you my daughters don't back down to girls or boys. They are leaders, and they are feminine too.
ReplyDeleteI am a total tomboy ( Santa brought me a tractor for Christmas) and am the furthest thing from a girly-girl. Don't wear makeup, have fewer clothes than my husband and the only non-tennis shoes I have are a pair of black pumps and some black flats. I have one purse. My ears aren't pierced and the only jewelry I wear is my gold wedding band. (I asked for a rose garden instead of an engagement ring) I hate chick-flicks, chick lit, and have never seen an episode of Sex in the City or Friends.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, sometimes a girl just likes to get her Princess on. (Hell, lots of men do, too) Miss Agatha is drawn to all the Pretty and there is nothing wrong with that. I doubt you will take her down the Toddlers and Tiaras path. I think TV and social media in general are far more detrimental than the occasional Disney movie, personally.
I raised two girls, got a girly-girl and a tomboy. My tomboy wanted to be with her brothers all the time, my girly-girl wanted to be with her prissy girly-girl cousins all the time! They were that way almost from the get-go, so I think much of it is hard-wired.
I found that book annoying, fwiw, but I also find a great deal of feminism annoying. Get a copy of Patricia Wrede's Enchanted Forest Chronicles to set aside for Aggie when she gets older.
And forgive this novel, good grief!
Thanks...thats the kind of thing I believe but there is always that doubt about if exposing her to this stuff with have some lasting damage.
DeleteSo the book isnt a tongue in check sort of thing? I dont really need a feminism lecture if its not funny :)
Well, it could be I am overly sensitive and missed the humor! I do think she means well.
DeleteMy girls are now 10 and 16. Both did the pink pretty princess thing with passion, bordering on obsession. Daily multiple costume changes, fancy hair and watching the princess movies on a continuous loop.
ReplyDeleteBoth outgrew it around age 7/8. Now I have to bribe them to put on a dress for special occasions and the youngest one will not be caught dead (her words) in anything pink or frilly. She traded in princess ball gowns for ball gloves and cleats.
I find it highly entertaining to watch how much their interests change. I can pretty much guarantee that between now and flying the nest, your little one will try out many personas. Look out for the season of boy band crazed!
I had 3 boys and I would have sold my soul for a little girl. I once told my XH that if we ever had a baby girl he would have to paint the house pink - the hell with pink balloons outside! My disappointment was so great that it was many, many years before I could walk through the children's clothing department of stores in the springtime and not physically avert my eyes. I now have 3 granddaughters who live on a ranch and are dirty ALL THE TIME. Nothing sparkly for them. The son that doesn't have children yet routinely tells people that when he's about to have a child, he will tell the mother that, if the baby is a girl, I AM IN CHARGE OF THE WARDROBE. If I ever have the opportunity to spoil a little girl, it will be ALL PRINCESS - ALL THE TIME. God help her if she's a tomboy.
ReplyDeleteMy baby girl is 37 this year. I wanted a princess to dress up but by the time she as 8 years old it was sweats and jeans from then on. Take advantage of these young years (while you are still in charge) and dress your princess up as much as you can. I have a friend whose 4 year old fights wearing a dress. My friend has to tell her it's a long shirt to get a dress on her. Vikki in VA
ReplyDeleteMy daughter loved princesses, dress up, dolls, barbies...the whole girly thing. But she also had to brother to share with, so learned how to play trucks, cars, legos, computer games. She will be turning 21 soon and is a wonderful mix of feminine and tough. She is pretty, whether in a dress or her usual outfit of jeans and flip flops. She can wow when all spiffed up and look scrappy when in her hiking or gym attire. She is a junior in college and spent the fall semester studying and traveling in Europe....mostly by herself, making friends along the way. So I guess what I'm saying is that your daughter will turn into who she is meant to be, deciding as she gets older who she is and what she likes. Being a princess at this age is priceless! When she hikes her first 14er or tells you about her gym workout, you can remember back to those pretty pink days and smile :) Relax mom, you're doing great and it will all be ok! And by the way, watching all of those princess fairy tales as a wee one won't do any harm. She will see through them later. When my daughter was in high school and doing musical theatre, she would much rather be the evil witch, as the part was much jucier. The only princess she liked was Jasmine, as she was spunky and not a fem fatale. And with you as her role model you don't have to worry about having a "rescue-me princess" as a daughter!
ReplyDeleteMy son is the same age as Aggie (born the day after!) and he loves trucks, trains, buses, etc. He also loves butterflies and flaps around the room like a butterfly - I need to get him some wings! He also loves wearing his cousins tutu, and I want to get him one of those as well, to go along with the trucks and cars and train set. Sometimes I think he's too 'boyish' and think perhaps we encouraged it somehow, but really, we just let him choose his own path - they simply are the way they are. Enjoy it, embrace it, don't focus on it, just offer all sorts of entertainment and they will choose what they are drawn too. I know it's different with the princess thing, because as parents we worry about body image and raising strong children without any labels forced upon them!
ReplyDeleteIt makes me sad that anyone would think a boy could be too "boyish". There is nothing wrong with boys being boyish, any more than girls being girly.
DeleteI guess I worry that we somehow 'forced' the gender stereotypes on him (we didn't, it's just your standard 'mother worry!'). He is beautifully boyish, and when I see the joy he gets from seeing a fire engine, I realise its fine...he is who he is! Thank you for your comment though...you've reminded me to embrace every part of him!
DeleteWell doggone it, now I want to see a picture of him looking at a fire engine! :o)
DeleteI think they are what they are and as long as she has a strong female role model, which she does, she won't fall into the "I am merely a woman, someone rescue me" trap. Mostly I just wanted to mention that Aggie takes amazing smiling pictures, so so cute <3
ReplyDeleteI think they are what they are and as long as she has a strong female role model, which she does, she won't fall into the "I am merely a woman, someone rescue me" trap. Mostly I just wanted to mention that Aggie takes amazing smiling pictures, so so cute <3
ReplyDeleteIf you just want to make sure she gets enough of the "women are strong, smart, and awesome" as well as "the women are pretty" - try this book: Rad American Women A-Z. It's a children's alphabet book that uses the names of smart, wonderful, American woman for the letters (P is for Patti Smith!!). I just got it for my granddaughter's upcoming birthday and it is so cool! I think it will give her mom the opportunity to talk to her about who all these women are and what they've done. The mom, my step-daughter is completely on-board, btw.
ReplyDeletethanks - Ill check it out. Sounds like a perfect addition to her library. (The book I referred to above isn't a children's book..its for parents. Although I haven't read it yet so I can't say its worth a read or not.)
DeleteAs a mother of a son (27) & 3 daughters (23, 18 & 16) I have learned they will find their path. My oldest daughter wrote me this wonderful letter last year where she thanked me for buying her that fireman costume she wanted for her kindergarten Halloween party. I can still see her proud face as she posed for pictures, holding her plastic ax and surrounded by pink princesses. I'm typing this as I wait for my middle daughter to finish her hair & makeup for cheer tryouts---the girlyest girl I know.
ReplyDeleteOh how sweet!
DeleteI have twins who turn 30 this year (!) the greatest thing about having a boy and a girl at the same time?
ReplyDeleteThey get exposed to the same toys and whatnot at the same time so they can really choose what they like.
My son LOVED the play kitchen as much if not more than his sister did; when they played basketball they both tried to dunk ( lol) just as hard as the other kid; Legos and etc were always just shared and not a "boy" thing or a "girl" thing.
That said, my daughter was a princess loving bling babe with a capital P-and she still is. ( I'm a tomboy and a half so imagine MY shock at having a daughter who loved Cinderella, et.al)
She's a dancer/choreographer who also does web design. Her brother loves fashion and cooking as well as sports and coding. It's all good. If you expose your gorgeous baby girl to lots of places/people/etc she'll be right. The princess thing is only a "thing" if the parents make it so!
I'm not a mom, but a daughter and a teacher. I'd recommend adding the book Free to Be You and Me to your library. While from the 70's, it has some awesome stories that counter the gender stereotypes. I enjoyed it as a kid and now I read some of the stories to my students. You might also want to check out Goldie Blocks next time you're looking for a new toy for your daughter. Also, don't forget to throw in some of the classics - Legos rock! Finally, I think what we say to kids and what we give them attention for is often subtle, but incredibly powerful. If she hears that she is hard working or creative as much as she hears she is cute, she'll be a well balanced woman someday. : )
ReplyDeleteOh Aggie! She's magical. (Quinn was gifted the monogrammed RH crown when she was younger & I find it placed in the strangest places by her...most recently on the dog we were pet sitting.)
ReplyDeleteI too struggle with the princess dilemma. Tangled is huge in our house right now which I always think: Punzie's rescued in a sense by Flynn Rider but she also has her own strong character/will--I'm so confused. Then it boils down to how long is the princess movie going to occupy Q so I can finish a task? ;-)
In all seriousness, I'm just focusing on positive body image & "smart girls are the prettiest" & all that....& hope the rest will just fall into place. You're raising Aggie in a happy open minded environment & that's awesome.